The Frying Pan Saga
by River Laren
Summary: Because nothing in Sasuke's life goes according to plan. Especially Sakura. Oneshot. Major Fluff. Crackish.


"You JERK!" Sakura yelled at him as he quickly dodged a plate. "How DARE you _even_ ASK that!"

Sasuke inwardly sighed. Nothing in his life had ever gone according to plan. Like when he was eight and planning to become the best ninja in Konoha besides his brother so his parents would be proud and they could be one big happy family…yeah, that never happened. Or when he had went off to train with Orchimaru and eventually killed Itachi…only to find out his brother had done what he had for Sasuke and Konoha. Not what he had planned. Or his capturing Konoha so he could follow in Itachi's footsteps and save it from Madara by using him to control it himself, well that one wasn't over yet, but so far it hadn't worked out like he'd hoped. Mainly because he was still under Madara's authority.

And now he was proposing to Sakura because 1) he loved her, 2) she was the only sensible woman who would consider marrying him now, and 3) he needed her help to save the village and his clan.

But that wasn't working out so well either, considering she was throwing the contents of her entire kitchen at him. Not well at all.

"You destroy my life, try to kill me, capture my home, throw Naurto, who I happen to love, in jail, and you _REALLY _expect me to marry you?" She screeched. "Get OUT! Get out NOW!"

Sasuke was unfortunately frozen where he stood. He didn't even flinch when her frying pan plowed into his stomach. "You- You love Naruto?" His voice was low.

Sakura stopped short. "I do," she said just as quietly, setting down her soup pot. "But thanks to you, he won't even acknowledge my feelings. He- he thinks I'm lying to myself, and that I really still have feelings for you."

Sasuke flinched. "He always was an idiot," he mumbled. She picked the pot back up, but Sasuke didn't notice. He was too angry. "You lied to me, _Sa-KUR-a._ You said you loved me, forever, but you lied." The words were out of his mouth before he even knew what he was saying. Once the flood started, he couldn't hold it back. "I suffered through endless nights to save this stupid village by pretending allegiance to a brutal madman; thinking that it would be better for _you_ if I was in control rather then him, that maybe working on the "inside" would save _you_. I was stupid for doing it." He turned and stormed out the door of her apartment.

"Why?" her voice caught him in the threshold.

He paused. It could bring him nothing but pain to say it now. But he had to, for some unnamable reason. "I…loved you, I guess."

Three days later Sasuke was still miserable. The knowledge that he had deserved it didn't help any. But on the bright side he no longer felt guilty for making Naruto temporarily rot in that dark hole he had put him in so he (or anyone else) wouldn't do anything stupid. Now however, Sasuke was seriously contemplating leaving him there. Him, bitter? Well, okay, _maybe_.

It was on the third night when he had again fallen asleep on mounds of paperwork in the old Hokage Tower, that he felt something cool on the back of his head. He jumped up- and whacked his head on a hard, metal object. He cursed.

"Don't move or I'll really clock you," a non-threatening feminine voice hissed in his ear. He caught the scent of warm sugar and vanilla. _Sakura?_ "Okay Neji," she said louder, confirming that it was, indeed, the pinkette. They were probably here to get _him_ out of jail, Sasuke realized. Neji bound him with charka bounds. The Uchiha didn't fight because it wasn't like he cared anymore. "Gag him," Sakura commanded. He fought just enough to give her a _Really?_ look.

They then blindfolded him and lead him out into the street. Or that's what he assumed from the breeze on his face. Sasuke had a shinobi's sense of direction, but his orientation was gone soon after they began walking on the cobbled streets. He couldn't think of any purpose to this; other than his complete humiliation.

They took his blindfold off in a candlelit cellar. Gaara of Sand was there. He turned toward Sakura. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

They were going to execute him. That was the only explanation. And it was Sakura who had finally betrayed him. How ironic. She must have been planning this for months, and to think he had proposed to her. She must have laughed hysterically over that. There was just one problem in his picture: he couldn't imagine Sakura laughing like that. Her laugh had always been pure, like water.

Sasuke felt sick. He sounded like a sap. And there was no way he was going to be a martyr of love. Except…he was. He mentally cursed as they had not taken out the gag. He turned toward the girl and let her, but only her, see his emotions in his eyes.

Sakura hesitated, but nodded.

Gaara stepped forward. "Uchiha Sasuke," he began. Then he started to perform a marriage ceremony. Sasuke blinked. That was…unexpected.

They un-gagged him so that he could give his consent. Not that he had much choice with Sakura holding her frying pan over his head threateningly. Not much choice at all.

Afterwards, he was again gagged, blindfolded, and lead back out to the street where all restraints were then removed and he was left alone with Sakura and a marriage license.

He stared at her. "What did you just do?"

She turned red. "I just forced you to marry me."

"Why?" He drawled.

Sakura fidgeted a moment. Then she looked up and meat his eyes. "I am a foolish woman, Sasuke. I thought I was in love with someone else, but I was just lying to myself. I…guess I loved you." She paused to let him soak it in. Then she raised her frying pan again. "You haven't kissed me yet."

Haruno- er, Uchiha Sakura was a complete mystery to him. Yet he had a feeling he wouldn't mind figuring her out. And since he "had no choice" he kissed her. Not like he minded.

"I, uh, guess I should stop threatening you with a skillet, shouldn't I?" she stammered.

He smirked. "Hn." It was only when he kissed her again that he thought better of it. "Perhaps you should keep it. It is you right to insure I fulfill all my duties as you husband."

She blushed. "I guess it would be a story to tell the grandchildren."

He shrugged. He wasn't sure that he wanted his descendants to know this particular detail of his life, and there was always the chance that Madara would kill them in the battle over Konoha. But Sasuke didn't feel like mentioning those things. So he leaned in for another kiss.


End file.
